vrijdag 13 april 2012

Magpie's lessons

A more personal blog post this time... *takes deep breath* I'm losing my job... There, I said it... I was told the day before yesterday that my 6 month contract will not be renewed. So, come may, I'll be unemployed. It sucks, I'm quite heartbroken. I love this job and love the people I'm working with and to lose all that, together with financial security, physically hurts. I have an ache in my chest every time I think about it.

So yesterday was difficult, but at least that day I was home with my fiancée. Today I had to show up for work again. It was awkward, it was hard, I'm glad I made it through the day without crying... Two and a half week to go, and I'll be done. Part of me can't wait, the other part doesn't want it to be over.

Wednesday after I got the news I went home, crying on the subway. People looking weirdly at me. Me trying to hide in my book, hoping no one will notice me... So I got to our flat and in the back we have this round bit of greenery. So when you approach it, it looks like a crossroads. There I found the most beautiful feather. It was a tail feather of a magpie. Black with a beautiful oily sheen on one side. The thing is, I've been hoping to find one of those feathers for a while now, so that cheered me up immensly. However, as I looked back, I saw another feather. Another magpie feather with the same beautiful colours! I was smiling when I got home :)

Thieving Magpie by Una Fricker for Magic the Gathering.

What I realized later was that one feather laid in one fork of the crossroads, and one in the other. I have a thing about crossroads, I find them fascinating. The lore, myth and magic behind them is something that I've been wanting to study. So I'm taking the hint and will dig deeper into the lore and magic of crossroads. I showed the feathers to my fiancée and the first thing he said was; they are a sign. That's exactly how I felt about them so I looked up the symbolism of the magpie. It said that they find treasure everywhere, so I should look closely for something that could be a treasure, even if it doesn't look it. They also signify change and the creative use of ones voice.

Funny thing is that my boss also mentioned that she thinks I'm at a crossroads right now and that I shouldn't rush into anything. Think about which road I want to take. Another funny thing is that one of my colleagues mentioned that she thought the American Book Center here in the Hague might be something for me (for a job). Which is something that I've been thinking about to. So I'll look into that!

Last night I went flying with the magpie, in my dreams. I saw a woman flying below me, flying like she was swimming. She had beautiful red-blonde curls that moved with the wind. Then I saw a woman dancing, moving to the movements that we were making. She had straight and long brown hair. Her face turned up to the sky, but I couldn't see it. I have no idea what these women mean, but I'm keeping my eyes open for a curly blonde and a brunette ;p

Even though I'm heartbroken that I will lose my job, I'm starting to see some good things. Or rather, starting to focus on some good things. I want to focus more on my art, jewellery and writing. I also asked my mother in law if she would learn me how to sow clothing. I want to focus more on witchcraft and paganism, not that I have more time on my hands. I think in the end, this will be a good thing, even though it hurts right now...

I will of course let you know when I find a new (better ;)) job or when the magpie reveals more of her secrets!

Love and Leaves,
Marjolijn Ashara

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